McKenzie’s thoughts… Nov. 2013

It’s probably been at least 2 years since I’ve written on this, but here I am. I’m 20 years old now and over these past 4 years I’ve had more change in my life then I could ever have imagined at 16.

Recently dad and I went to a funeral for a family friend who passed away from Ovarian cancer. Her daughter is 16 and adopted, just as I was. I really grew a bond with her because only 4 years ago I was that 16 year old girl dealing with the loss of my mother. Being at that funeral really made me reflect on my life over the past 4 years and how I have grown. 4 years ago I was an awkward high school Jr.  And as a high school Jr. the biggest fears I should have had was “Am I going to be voted homecoming royalty or not?” but 4 years ago my biggest fear was “how am I going to grow up without a mother?”

I’m in my 20s now (although barely), and all I can say is growing up without a mother has been nothing I ever thought it was going to be. I grew up faster then a lot of girls I would say.  I dealt with the pain of not having my mom at my 1st prom, my high school graduation, my first day of college, my first real job, finding who my birth family was and my first real heartbreak. Though all those life experiences would have probably been a lot easier with a mom by my side. I can say that doing them on my own (and with the help of a great dad) was good for me. I have really discovered myself as a young woman more then ever these past 4 years.

I’ve been on incredible highs and incredible lows in my faith these past 4 years. Each of which I know somehow God was allowing the 16 years I had with my mom to lead me through all the decisions I had to make. She may not be here in person but she has had a major influence on who I’ve become over these past 4 years.

Now I only have a few more life experiences in which having a mother would be nice like:

  • Figuring out what I want to do for a career
  • Finding my husband
  • Picking out a wedding dress
  • My wedding
  • And helping me when I am starting my own family.

Yes those are major life experiences but I know ill be okay and I know I will survive. Because throughout these past 4 years my faith, trust, and hope in Jesus Christ has been tested more then ever before but it also is stronger then ever before.

We are now living in the beautiful Southern California and my favorite thing to do is go to the beach and just watch the ocean. I don’t believe in reincarnation but I think that if spirits of those who have gone to heaven could live through any non-human object my moms spirit would live through the ocean. The ocean is calm, graceful, and peaceful just as my mom was. It is filled with many different colors and wonders, just as my mom was. And when you push the limits and go out too far making it angry you BEST watch out for that tidal wave because it’ll teach you a lesson, just as my mom did. So here’s to the next 4 years, and that God will continue to use my moms life as a guide for me and my journey in life.

6 thoughts on “McKenzie’s thoughts… Nov. 2013”

  1. That dad and daughter you speak of is my brother and niece. What you wrote is just beautiful and very moving, as I’m wiping tears from my eyes. You, and your dad, are an inspiration to Bob and his family as they go through this trying time in their lives. God Bless You!

  2. Your Mamma is so proud of you McKenzie of that I know. She will always be with you throughout all those life experiences you talked about. She will be on the other side of you as your Dad walks you down the aisle letting you know how beautiful you are in the wedding gown that I have no doubt she will have helped you to pick out.

    We truly need to get to know each other better. Someday we will get that dinner together.

    1. Your Mamma is so proud of you McKenzie of that I know. She will always be with you throughout off those life experiences you talked about. She will be on the other side of you as your Dad walks you down the aisle letting you know how beautiful you are in the wedding gown that I have no doubt she will have helped you to pick out.

      We truly need to get to know each other better. Someday we will get that dinner together.

  3. You are so right – a calm ocean fits your mother perfectly. She and your dad took such great care of our kids when we went away for short trips. They always like it when Bonnie came because she took everything in stride.
    Bet you miss her terribly but are so comforted to know that you both walk the same path with the same leader and the same result at the end of the journey – home together again! That time everything will be perfect. Thanks for sharing your heart with those who loved your mom.

  4. Thank you, McKenzie, for sharing your thoughts. You were, indeed, blessed to have a mother who loved and cared for you in a special way. And, of course, you are blessed with a great Dad who obviously loves you very much.

    Reading your story caused me to once again look back at my life. I lost my dad when I was 24 and stationed in Korea while serving in the Army. That was before I was married and, as a result, my kids never knew their grandfather on my side of the family. He had a tough life as he lost his Mom when he was in the 6th grade. In later years, he turn to alcohol to avoid dealing with life’s problems.A few years after beating his addiction, he was gone. Dad never saw me play ball, never saw my art work, did not attend my graduation either from high school or college. As I look back over my life, I know he did the best he could do and I realize that I was very fortunate to have had a teacher who really cared for me, nutured me and who modeled for me what a committed life looks like. It took me a long time to understand and appreciate his influence, but today I am extremely thankful that God put him in my life.

    Thank you for sharing and know that you are part of a community who will walk with you along the way without being too intrusive. Dave

  5. Hi! Yay, the website is back up!! Your thoughts are beautiful, Mackenzie,….and as I read them, I pray I will be alive long enough to raise Dee Dee (she is 8 yo) as I survived treatment for breast cancer, then got leukemia FROM the breast cancer treatment, had ONE person match me out 4.8 million people on the bone marrow transplant list for a Bone Marrow Transplant in 4-12-2003, survived only to now have 30% lung function due to Bronchiolitis Obliterans, a side effect of gvhd (graft vs. host disease, where your body recognizes its not in the right body and so attacks your tissues like eyes, lungs, liver, etc.) and prayed to God that Dee Dee will not lose me, her adopted mom until she is through school and on her way. She is adopted from Vietnam! Your mom and I had so many things in common,….adoption was close to her heart too! Bless you as you continue on your journey,….

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