NOVEMBER 3, 2009

It’s been a long day…a day of tears….a day of lots of time spent at Bonnie’s bedside, a day of conversations with nurses explaining what’s happening to Bonnie’s body as it slowly shuts down, a day with friends, a day of prayers still asking God for a miracle, and a day of whispering words of affirmations into Bonnie’s ears of the wonderful mom and loving wife she is.

At about 8 this morning I received a call informing me that:

1)  The nutrition being given to Bonnie via a feeding tube was not being absorbed into her body.  Therefore we stopped the feeding tube.

2)  Her vitals are decreasing each from day to day.  Today her heart has an irregular heart beat.

3)  She has been unresponsive to the nurses or any of her care team.

After I made a visit to the Dobson house about 8:20, I decided (after talking to a few friends) that it would be best for McKenzie to spend the day with Mom.  So I went and picked her up at school and brought her to Bonnie.  I fought the tears all the way as I drove to the school.  When I walked into the office I could barley speak.  I assured them that Bonnie had not passed away, but that it was time for McKenzie to be with her.  I composed myself, yet when McKenzie came into the office, we all cried, had a prayer and then McKenzie and me returned to Hospice.

Bonnie acknowledged us several times and continues to drink water.  She’s rather weak and very frail so we are now holding the glass for her.  She remains pretty adamant that I can still get a new flat screen TV for the room she was going to be in once she returned home (OK so maybe she wasn’t that clear after all).

Most of the day we had some instrumental music by one of our friends on a CD playing.  McKenzie talked with mom, brushed her hair, held her hand and was simply giving the gift and the blessing of being by her side.   McKenzie and her friend Katherine are spending the night (Tuesday) with Bonnie at Hospice…sort of a girls night out!

Please focus your prayers for continued wisdom and discernment in the process so that we can be sure Bonnie is comfortable and not in any pain.  And for a peace in all of our hearts – for Bonnie that she will know without a doubt that McKenzie will be cared for, loved and nurtured to be all that God created her to be.  And for McKenzie and me, as well as the many family and friends who have already started the grieving process of saying ‘see you later’ to this incredible child of God.

Tonight I verbally affirmed to Bonnie her spectacular motherhood to McKenzie and loving graciousness (ok and patience) as the love of my life.  It’s hard to picture what my life was like 21 years ago (OK so some of you remember clearly) or what it will be with out her.  Before I left I shared these words from the NT….

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.   And the peace of God which transcends all understanding with guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:6). I kissed her on the forehead and said, see you later (Good-bye is too definite and contrary to what we believe the Bible teaches us….for we know that we will indeed see each other once again.

Wednesday will be a new day.  No doubt with new challenges and new paths to walk.  Some of those paths will feel like a whirlwind, yet I remain confident in the love of God which is the foundation of our faith.  I remain confident in God’s  promises never to leave or forsake us, and I remain blessed beyond human reasoning by God’s love shown to us by so many of you.

May we all know the reality that the peace that passes all understanding is found in the person of Jesus….

Joining you on the journey not to be anxious.


Juno, Bonnie and McKenzie

May this song be kept in your heart and mind as you go through the day….click here

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