All day my mom was sleeping. she was peaceful all day so that was good. she had really hard breathing. the night before she passed i spent the night with her. im glad i had that last night with her.
All day i had spent the day at hospice with her till Tyler (boyfriend) came to pick me up so i could just get out for a little bit. one of my best friends melissa came over around 7 30 to see my mom, it really broke her heart to see my mom in that condition which i totally understand. well i was over at Tyler’s house spending time with him and his family. We were watching a movie when i got a call from my dad. I didn’t really expect what he was about to say. Then he said ” McKenzie mom’s passed away.” i totally just shut down i couldn’t even cry right away because i didn’t know what to think of what my dad just said. then i got up and told tyler we had to leave. (where i really just stated to cry) Karen, Tyler’s mom i think could tell what just happened and then Tyler’s dad Lucas drove us to hospice. It was the LONGEST car ride of my life i felt. when we got to hospice i ran in the building and to my moms room. i knew this was gonna be the hardest thing ever seeing her but i walked in and saw her laying there, where i broke down and cried. i hugged her and told her how much i loved her and hugged my dad. i don’t think i have ever cried so hard. but apart of me was relieved because i know my mom is in such a better place and she is so happy right now in heaven with God watching over me and my dad.
My mom was the most important person in my life. we were closer then ever. towards the end of her life it really hurt me to have to be the one taking care of her instead of her taking care of me like she has for 16 years of my life. i’d give anything to have her around just a little bit longer but even a life time wouldnt be long enough with her.
i do plan on saying a few words at her funeral. its going to be hard but i know my mom would be so proud of me for getting up in front of everyone to talk.
it still has not sunk in yet that she is gone forever and it probably wont for a while. i’ve NEVER missed anyone as much as i miss her. its crazy how much i miss her. and i want her here so badly. i feel that as a teenage girl i need a mother figure in my life more than anything. The hardest days of the year is gonna be christmas birthdays and mothers day especially. i still don’t know why God had to take her from me but i think He has a great plan for me.
One thing i want to leave everyone with is… Never take your mom. (or dad) for granted, always, always show your appreciation to them because once they are gone its completely different without them.
Jeremiah 29:11
peace and love
mckenzie :)