April 18, 2010


Well I finished the Pat’s Run (4.2 miles).  I’m alive…and am painfully reminded that I have a boat load of training to accomplish if I’m to run 13 miles in January.  The motivation there is that I’ve already paid for the race so that should keep me motivated.  I also think it’s time for some new running shoes.  McKenzie woke up real early on a Saturday to cheer dad on :).  She  also wrote me a nice note to encourage me….I “Beast it out” for her.

This is my 5th race.  3 of them 4.2 miles, the other two were half marathons (13 miles).  All but the first run was a way for me to raise funds to help manage the uncovered medical expenses for Bonnie.  Needless to say Bonnie was on my mind and heart as I made race preparations Friday night and ran the race on Saturday.  Running for a cause is a hole lot more motivating then ‘just running’.  Running for Bonnie gave me a reason to get out there and do it.  I wrote in Bonnie’s Mother’s Day card a year ago that I’d start running again….so indeed I have.  Bonnie was very concerned that I would have a heart attack at a young age and leave her and McKenzie alone.  Running was my way of taking a step (well more like a few hundred steps) towards health.

My run was filled with numerous emotions:

  • many wonderful memories of Bonnie (she would have been there cheering me on), reflecting over the past year of what happened
  • sad feelings of Bonnie not being here and simply missing her
  • gratefulness for the friends in our lives
  • today, April 18 makes it 36 years since my mom’s major heart attack (she was 43).  So numerous thoughts of that day and sitting in the ER wondering how God was going to use this situation.  Maybe that’s a question that is timeless for us all as we experience situations in life….God, how will you use this.

I ran faster this year (I think – at least my body feels like I ran faster).  My good friend Matt and his 10 year old set the pace.  Ya they came in a few feet before me.  Besides trying not to trip on the people who were walking or running very very slow, my mind was often praying for the blessings of friendship and support that we had been recipients of over the years.  No doubt running has provided the place for my mind to focus on others and to reflect on my own current reality.

So now I run (for my own health – which is a very good reason to run), in memory of Bonnie and with the desire to be around for many years so I can continue to have the privilege of being a dad to McKenzie (although overprotective at times – which is something reserved for dads).

May we all run the race that is before us.

After the run, I rewarded myself with a trip to the local garden centers :).

Easter 2010

April 3, 2010

Tomorrow we celebrate the reality that Jesus rose from the dead.  He has victory over death.  This singular event is the foundation of our faith…our hope for both today and tomorrow.

As Easter approaches many things come to mind as I think through the past few months.   Tomorrow will make it five months since Bonnie had crossed over to the other side of eternity.  To think we’ve made it five months without her presence seems like an impossible journey.  But step by step, day by day we made it.  I’d be lost without the love and support from so many of you.  Again what a reminder that God calls us into relationships.  I realize how important it is to have some authentic friendships, to be in community with others, prior to the crap of life hitting the fan (Bonnie’s not here to edit :)).

No doubt there are some days over the past few months that call for a deeper reflection, some events that bring to the surface feelings of sadness and still feelings of disbelief of the last year.  Many circumstances that cause me to think, What Would Bonnie Do?  I guess I should have thought about that one before I pierced my nose (OK that’s a joke).

Bonnie loved the spring.  When she would take her walks she would often comment about the new leaves returning to the tress (they are already there).  The Iris we brought from Michigan began to bloom yesterday.  It’s only the second year this happened.  Irises were Bonnie’s favorite flower.  My love for gardening, really came to bloom (excuse the pun) when we bought our first home 16 years ago.  While I enjoyed created new gardens, Bonnie appreciated very much the beauty and serenity they added to our homes.  Its taking some time to get used to not coming into the house and asking Bonnie to come out to see what she thinks of my newest creation or color selection of this years annuals.

While spring is a great way to remember that God brings life out of death its also, in a strange way, a reminder that death is painful part of life.   I’ve confident I’ll see Bonnie again, but reflecting on the life, death and resurrection of Jesus reminds me that I’m here for a purpose.  While Jesus was God and would return to heaven, he was here for a purpose – he had a vision!  While at times lately, my vision may be a little blurry from tears, I remain convinced and confident that God had Bonnie, and has McKenzie and me here on earth to make not just the world a better place, but to make a difference for eternity in the lives of many people….

Anyway, allow me to close with two songs…click on either of them as you so desire.   Tomorrow McKenzie and I sing in the choir (so I’ve got to get in bed) the last song in our celebration service is called I will Rise. It was sang at both of the memorial services for Bonnie.  The other song,  All the Way my Saviour Leads Me is one I’ve been listening to for several weeks and really sums up my heart at this point in the journey of grief.

May you experience the hope we all have because Jesus rose from the dead.

Celebrating in the hope we have in Jesus, and as always giving thanks for you,


PS.  I shared a message a couple of weeks ago…It’s talks about healing and how God has worked in our family through the adoption of McKenzie and through the life and death of Bonnie.  Click here if you want to watch or listen to it.