McKenzie’s thoughts… Nov. 2013

It’s probably been at least 2 years since I’ve written on this, but here I am. I’m 20 years old now and over these past 4 years I’ve had more change in my life then I could ever have imagined at 16.

Recently dad and I went to a funeral for a family friend who passed away from Ovarian cancer. Her daughter is 16 and adopted, just as I was. I really grew a bond with her because only 4 years ago I was that 16 year old girl dealing with the loss of my mother. Being at that funeral really made me reflect on my life over the past 4 years and how I have grown. 4 years ago I was an awkward high school Jr.  And as a high school Jr. the biggest fears I should have had was “Am I going to be voted homecoming royalty or not?” but 4 years ago my biggest fear was “how am I going to grow up without a mother?”

I’m in my 20s now (although barely), and all I can say is growing up without a mother has been nothing I ever thought it was going to be. I grew up faster then a lot of girls I would say.  I dealt with the pain of not having my mom at my 1st prom, my high school graduation, my first day of college, my first real job, finding who my birth family was and my first real heartbreak. Though all those life experiences would have probably been a lot easier with a mom by my side. I can say that doing them on my own (and with the help of a great dad) was good for me. I have really discovered myself as a young woman more then ever these past 4 years.

I’ve been on incredible highs and incredible lows in my faith these past 4 years. Each of which I know somehow God was allowing the 16 years I had with my mom to lead me through all the decisions I had to make. She may not be here in person but she has had a major influence on who I’ve become over these past 4 years.

Now I only have a few more life experiences in which having a mother would be nice like:

  • Figuring out what I want to do for a career
  • Finding my husband
  • Picking out a wedding dress
  • My wedding
  • And helping me when I am starting my own family.

Yes those are major life experiences but I know ill be okay and I know I will survive. Because throughout these past 4 years my faith, trust, and hope in Jesus Christ has been tested more then ever before but it also is stronger then ever before.

We are now living in the beautiful Southern California and my favorite thing to do is go to the beach and just watch the ocean. I don’t believe in reincarnation but I think that if spirits of those who have gone to heaven could live through any non-human object my moms spirit would live through the ocean. The ocean is calm, graceful, and peaceful just as my mom was. It is filled with many different colors and wonders, just as my mom was. And when you push the limits and go out too far making it angry you BEST watch out for that tidal wave because it’ll teach you a lesson, just as my mom did. So here’s to the next 4 years, and that God will continue to use my moms life as a guide for me and my journey in life.